say hello to my little friend...

...Aaand by "little friend", I mean "new beginning"! In short, I found my first ALL-BY-MY-SELF apartment (thanks (a lot) to the beebs (aka Daric). I've never met someone as generous with their finances as he is with me. I'm a very lucky, lucky woman. It's so, so nice. I mean, not "nice" in the modern, it's got a dishwasher AND a washer/dryer way, but "nice" in the it's cozy and I like it and it's got character way. It's not one of those wrinky dinky plain-Jane apartments. It's got huge windows in the living room, a nice dining room area, a huge walk-in closet, a nice kitchen with a window for eatings... AND a nook for Bella! She's gonna love the place. Daric and I are going to take her for her first visit tomorrow. I can't very well move her into the place without having had her give it the old once over with her sniffer.

Today is Sunday, and the Pride Parade is today. My cousin wants me to go with her and I probably will. Maybe I'll take my camera. Although, if the parade is mid-afternoon, the noon-day sun will be horrible for picture takings. Oh wells, we'll see.

I have an urge to visit my LA friends before summer (my short, short, VERY short summer of 1 month and 1 week) is over. There's no one I'd like to see the latest Harry Potter with more than Juria and no one I'd like to shake my groove thang with more than Elika. I miss those two people more than 99% of the people I have in my life.

Speaking of life, Mani and Mikey and getting married on July 19th and I am SOOOO excited for them. I'd like to go with my friend Jeff so maybe he can meet a nice guy. We'll see. I resvipped for two, so it'll be me and him or me and Daric either way.

Fer now, I needs a blunt and Bella needs a walk.

Hauler.

i can goes ta hevin?

I had to. This was way too much of anything to let it go quietly... I would like to go to heaven of this nature as well. In short, I need to find cheeseburger shoos.

My nose is studdy and I can't see the keyboard. In short, I don't know what I'm typing. Qwell, I fuess I know, I juest can't see it. Hmmm... maybe I should just fo watch more Martin. Maaaartin... Maaaartin! Maaartin!

A spider came down from the ceiling earlier and landed on my leg. I pooped.

Daric went to get sushi from Manpupu... or Manpuku. Whatever. It's yummyyummyyummy for my tummytummytummy.

K.

idk, my bff jill?

So the title has little to do with the actual content. Lo sients.

The feelings of being overwhelmed haven't really subsided. I've come to understand that the feeling is inevitable and intrinsically intertwined in the mesh and fibers of the teaching quilt. Barf.

So I have to get used to feeling unaccomplished and behind. Great. I guess there is that whole "making the lives of children better" reward, but honestly, sometimes the feeling doesn't seem worth it. Fortunately, the good days outnumber the bad and make it just a little better. For now.

I was presented with the option of teaching 1st grade next year, and to be honest, I'm on the fence. I don't really know how I feel about things and I can't give a definite answer. All I know is teaching right now is hard. I don't want to think about teaching later.

I just put Leche in my lap. Who's Leche? He's the best, that's who. He's a little ball of cream colored furry goodness. He also has the cutest ears ever. Whoever found that petting an animal lowers your heart rate is right. It's so relaxing to have him sitting in my lap.

I'm excited for JennyKim to come over. We're going to watch our friend Hamil (Jamil) play b-ball. Yay.

So, who's Jill?

I don't know. Ask T-mobil.

For Pigret.

So, seeing as how there is only... er.. ONE person that reads this thing, I'll keep it brief. I was going to title this "Things I Don't Appreciate", but thought that might be a bit daft as a title.

Sue me.

So, I guess what I'm getting at is that there are some things I appreciate and some things I don't. I appreciate genuine concern about my feelings and well-being from someone else, I appreciate sound, thoughtful and insightful advice, I appreciate a condolent silence when words just won't do.

What I don't appreciate is that forceful, borderline paternal "advice" that is shoved at me when my mood is uncontrollably drab and beginning to "inconvinience" someone I'm around. I hate being told, "don't just sit there and feel sorry for yourself." Thanks for the advice, Dr. Dean Edell but if you must know, I wasn't just sitting here and simply "feeling". For your info, I was thinking, feeling, wallowing, and reflecting all at the same time. Take that, buttmunch.

I was thinking of how uncontrollably overwhelmed I am by work, about how I don't have a life anymore and the fact that I never see my friends because I'm always too tired. I cancel on everyone, even my godsister because I simply cannot muster the energy to go out and fraternize in public.

I was feeling trapped by work, all the things I "have to" do, not to mention my current "living" situation where I don't have a car all the time. I hate feeling like I can't get up and go somewhere anytime I please. Fuck. I'm grown. I hate being stranded.

I was wallowing because I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss going out and getting shit faced with the ones I love and then smoking hell of weets to top off the night. I was wallowing because I am the owner and author of the World's Longest Never-Ever-Ending To-Do list.

I was reflecting that I should start a To-Don't list. Aaand that I'd appreciate a fat ass blunt right now.

Alas, I'm in the City, sans vehicular, and loaded with cash. So, I have the monies but not the means to get to Ciraulo's house and cop the goods. And to think, all of these feelings would subside on first puff. Fuckshitasscuntlikinmutherfuck. Dammit.

I guess wine and cigarettes will have to suffice.

I miss you, mine Pigret. Until next time, adieu mon poo poo.

energy

At this point, energy is a high commodity in this here life of mine.

Hence, I've decided to expend only the necessary energy- on people and otherwise. Too often I waste energy on people or things that don't deserve the effort; far too often I'm content to settle.

Not this time. It's hard now but definitely gets better with time. I've also found that the easier it gets for me, the harder it gets for the other person. I stopped talking to someone I was rather close with almost a month ago, mainly because it was not a healthy idea to get myself involved with someone who cannot and won't give me what I deserve. Fast forward to, oh, yesterday, and I'm gettin' text messages left and right about how much I'm missed, how "beautiful" I am ("la mas bella de este mundo"), how much he thinks he fucked up, ad nauseum. Wanh, wanh, wanh.

Save the drama for your girlfriend. Honestly, dear, "us" would definitely be the end of me.

I'm happy to walk alone. It's empowering. I'm not giving up on anything, just moving on.

And boy does it feel good.

I'm Awsome

Yes you are. Fer sur.
BEST tattoo EVER inked on ANYBODY. E-VER.

My name is Adrina and I'm a chromic procrastinator.

"Hiii, Adrina."

I have a problem. And I'm perpetuating that problem by procrastinating more to admit that I have a problem with procrastinating.

*sigh*

Apparently (and I've been doing some reading on this, in more subconscious efforts to procrastinate), procrastination is a legitimate disorder.

I knew I wasn't crazy. Or wait... am I crazy? I mean, I would think so since I had a disorder, and having a disorder would make you more "crazy" than not having one... I digress.

Anyway, procrastination is not a time management problem, no no, but a compulsive avoidance disorder. Here are some excerpts from an article I read on WebMD:

"Like many self-defeating behaviors, procrastination turns out to be deeply rooted in psyche and personality. [...] It's not about time management," says Ferrari, who co-edited the only scholarly book on the subject, Procrastination and Task Avoidance. "To tell a chronic procrastinator to 'Just Do It' is like telling a clinically depressed person to cheer up."

He-llo, good-bye! WHO are YOU tellin'?

I wish I could get myself to "just do" the shit I need to do. I have weeks of homework piled up and I don't even know where or how to begin. I feel like it's too much anyways so, fuck it, why even bother, right?

WRONG.

If I don't pass these classes that I'm procrastinating in, my job is in jeopardy. An' I cain't ha'dat.
No nooo. I can't doooit. I won't doooit. So, whatthefuck do I do?

Tonight, I'm gonna do my psychology notebook stuff. I'm gonna try really, really hard.
Then, if I'm up to it (hey, gotta take this thing one step at a time), I'll do more of my case studies that are due Thursday (there are three), not to mention my "philosophy on teaching" draft.

WTF?

WHY do I need to write a philosophy on teaching? Does that help me teach any better? NO.
Doing useful homework and passing these damn classes so I can actually be in the classroom teaching helps me teach better. Nuckah.

Okay, okay. I have work to do. FUCK.


but i don't wanna!